Their Stories

My dear wife, Chen Yi, was born in 1985 in Hubei. I met her when I was studying at Beihang University. We have known each other for 20 years and have known and loved each other for 19 years. Our birthdays are in June/July, so a few weeks ago we were talking about our past experiences and lamenting how lucky and blessed we were to have spent half of our lives with each other. I remember the two of us walking around our home, her on my arm and me holding her hand, telling her to aim for us to have two more 19 years together.

In 2010, I came to England to study. She started losing sleep because she missed me. The following July, after graduating, she came to London without hesitation. We were crammed into a 5 square metre room, a place that was difficult to turn around but made us feel infinitely bigger. She loved going to the Thames River, watching the skyscrapers in the distance, the London Eye, the rush of pedestrians, the clouds rolling in and out, the sunset and the fireworks bursting into the sky. Her favourite park was Regent's Park. She loved walking in the park. She enjoyed lilies, roses and hydrangeas and watching me tease the squirrels. I loved how naughty and gentle she was, how she took my hand and how she looked at me and smiled.

Later, we gave birth to Eric and Duan. From being bewildered and helpless new parents at the beginning, we had a lot of hardship and a lot of bittersweet moments. Interspersed with this was my graduation: having my picture taken in my degree suit, with my arm around her and holding Eric, was a moment of immense pride. I certainly put my best foot forward, but I also know that I wouldn't have stood out as smoothly and confidently without her being there day and night, without the encouragement and comfort she gave me, without her patiently listening to my gripes, without the pressure and prodding she gave me.

Although she has been out of work, she has never made it easy for herself. She wrote down plans in her diary that she wanted to learn to drive, to read more, to make cakes, to exercise more, to be there for her children and to be a strong support for me. She is also assertive, thoughtful and discerning. She is the one who drives almost all the big things in the family. Like moving back to London from Bletchley after we graduated, like staying in London to work, like finding a school house, like buying our first house, like moving house, like our renovation and rear extension, like Eric moving schools, like giving Eric the English name Eric, and like having our second child, Duan. The arrival of Duan was the extra highlight of our good life at that time. Everything was planned and prepared for, we had the experience, the house, the car, the resources and the friends, we were not worried about anything, we were just full of joy. Although our relatives at home did not come to our aid due to an impromptu change of plans, it did not affect the fact that life continued in the best possible direction. Most unfortunately, the eczema on Duan lasted for two years and his sleep was very poor, a period that caused Yi a lot of suffering. Her sleep has since come and gone, her mood has suffered and she has had to resort to medication to help again.

The past six months have been the darkest time in our lives. In February her condition returned and we sought medical help everywhere but to no avail. She began to have very depressed moments and started to mention the idea of leaving. In April, her headaches became more and more severe and the symptoms became entangled with her emotions, which kept her restless from morning to night. We tried many things. But at the same time, she started to hide it from me, she regretted things, she was disappointed, she blamed herself, she felt she was taking up too much of my time and just told me everything was okay. I believed her and I really thought everything was going to be okay. That's when she chose to leave in such a drastic way. She must have been in too much pain, too tired and too upset. She said she was a bad person and that she was sorry for taking Duan away from us. I don't blame her, and I ask you not to blame her. She was never a bad person. She really did her best.

When Duan was five years old, he was already a hard-working, well-accomplished, polite, yet mischievous and sweet child. He had lots of little ideas of his own and was never afraid to get his hands dirty. He learned to ride a bike early and he loved to wind up in the park, he didn't like the fact that his brother always had to ride in front of him. He had lots of friends. We took walks he had the most people to say hello to. He will read the books he is given at school on his own and he will ask me to lend him my fingers to help him with addition and subtraction. He loves insects, slides, ice cream and sweets. He loves cars, he knows lots of badges and he would love us to get an electric car soon, preferably a Lamborghini. He loves me, he likes to wrestle with me, press me to the ground, and use my legs as slides. He likes to take my hand to sleep and will shove his dolls into my hand. He likes to listen to me sing at bedtime, or sing me songs he has made up himself. He cared for me. When my back hurt, he would put a pillow on the floor and let me lie on it while he massaged me. He was supposed to go to school that day, but he had a fever, so he stayed home while mum. Little did I know that a light in my life would be so dim. He was trying to learn how to swim and we had agreed that the next time he jumped in the water he would be rewarded with a packet of sweets.

I prayed countless times that it was just a dream and I wished to wake up soon. I wanted to see Duan open the door to the loft, he had taken off his sleeping bag, he walked down sleepily and then got into his brother's room. Then Yi comes down too, her hair in a mess, she smiles at me, she stands on the steps and I welcome her, hugging her warm body close.

This dream will never wake up, I'm afraid. I will always remember them and I ask everyone to remember them too, to remember how gentle and wonderful and mischievous and lovely they were. I thank you all for the love and care you have shown to Eric and I. I ask you all to carry on the love, to treat Eric as your child, to teach him, to care for him and to grow with him.

Thank you!